One of the most common questions our Bergen County divorce clients have for us is whether or not we believe they should actually go through with a divorce, or try to save the marriage. Obviously, such an important decisions requires careful thought, and even after this thought, many people just simply don’t know what they should do.
While we can say that generally when there are issues of domestic violence or abuse, or one spouse has a new romantic partner, the marriage should most likely end, many marriages have much less cut and dry situations and answers.
When it comes to deciding whether or not you should try to save your marriage, and how, here are a few tips for how to go about making this decision and potentially saving your marriage.
Agree that There Is a Problem
Ridgewood, NJ Divorce Lawyers
You cannot “fix” your marriage if you and your spouse do not first agree that there is, in fact, problems that need fixing. However, this doesn’t mean you should initially try and identify what those problems are, as this will most likely just lead to another argument.
Instead, see if your spouse agrees that your marriage has reached a critical juncture of potentially ending in divorce. Sometimes, you may be surprised to learn that your spouse doesn’t realize the extent to which you feel that your marriage is feeling, and such a conversation can set you on the path to taking the steps necessary to saving the marriage.
Other times, your spouse will agree that something is not fundamentally working, and again, you can begin to take take the steps necessary to deciding if your marriage is worth saving, and if so, how to do it.
What You Should NOT Do
Paramus, NJ Family Law Firm
When couples to realize that their marriage is failing, many times they think that changing certain circumstances will save their marriage. However, in our experience as a family law firm, things like having another child, moving, or other surface level changes never work.
While they may improve things in the short term (and they don’t always do), the fundamental issues which exist in your relationship will not go away by having a child or moving or any other similar type of change.
Professional Help Is Necessary
Hackensack, NJ Divorce Attorneys
In our experience, the only thing that will save a marriage is third-party intervention. This intervention can take many different forms, and it is up to you and your spouse to decide what may be the best solution in your unique situation.
Things like marriage counseling or other types of professional therapy, speaking with your church, religious group, or religious leader, or even asking family and friends to intervene can all be extremely beneficial, and be ways to help you and your spouse discuss your issues and find solutions in a more neutral and balanced manner.
Contact Our Bergen County Divorce Attorneys Today
At the end of the day, however, the sad fact is that not every marriage can be saved. People change (or can’t), and a divorce may be your only option. When this is the case, it is highly recommended that you retain the counsel of an experienced divorce attorney to help you resolve your divorce and its related issues of child support, child custody, alimony, and marital asset division in a way which makes the most sense for you and your family, and protects you and your children’s financial, legal, and familial futures.
At The Law Office of Townsend, Tomaio & Newmark, our attorneys have extensive experience resolving our clients’ divorces in a variety of manners like negotiation, mediation, arbitration, collaboration, and litigation in towns across New Jersey and Bergen County, including Ridgewood, Paramus, Hackensack, Teaneck, and Fort Lee.
To speak with our knowledgeable and effective legal team today in a free and confidential consultation regarding your divorce or any of its related issues, a post-divorce modification, or a family law appeal, please contact us online, or through our Hackensack, NJ office at (201) 397-1750.
